On Tequila Shots

17 May

Tequila is a sneaky bastard. I was sitting with my roommate in a bar once, and watched as all the tequila shots he took hit him like a freight train, all at the exact same moment, about thirty minutes after he had stopped drinking entirely. This is either a very good thing, or a very bad one. On the good side of things, you can pregame for something and not have it hit you until all the non-pregamers are drunk as well. On the bad side of things, though, is my least favorite word- underestimation. We’ve all done it- thought we were in control until about three shots too many. This is usually when things go the most wrong, generally because you are about fifty shades of tragically drunk. Use this to your advantage, though, and you may discover why tequila wasn’t banned years ago.

FIRST, USE IT TO FIND YOUR LIMIT. Most tequila shots are done too close together, by overeager young sorostitutes thinking one shot is as potent as the next. The bad news? This means you’ll probably overindulge on the Sauza. The good news? Whatever you did that pushed you over the edge with tequila is probably just right for literally every other liquor in existence.

THEN, USE IT TO ACE A CLASS. Tequila is like the prom queen of alcohol- you may hate it, but it’s surprisingly awesome and multifaceted. Regardless of your major, there IS something about tequila that you can use to further your education. For me? Tequila has some unique laws regarding regulation and distribution. It’s fun to read about, and nothing sells a presentation more than starting off with a hooking anecdote about overindulging on your presentation topic.

FINALLY, USE IT WISELY TO ABSOLUTELY LOVE LIFE. Mexicans aren’t batshit crazy, nor do they have a death wish every time they choose to do shots. Tequila may be a sneaky bitch, but outsmart her and it’ll literally be the most fun drunk experience of your life. Everyone is affected by tequila vastly differently from any other form of liquor… It makes for the best parties.

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